It can feel like it’s never gonna happen.
The original projected timeline that our agency gave us for matching with a child has come and gone, and though we are closer to the top of the list of waiting families, these months of waiting to hear any news have just come and gone with a lot of silence and questions. Each “referral group” of children that have come along are few and haven’t fit our family’s profile. Some months have been skipped entirely. (At no fault to anyone, just based on files of eligible children being sent to our agency.)
*Referral groups are the handful of eligible children that are presented to waiting families, usually 3-4 children of various ages, medical needs, background, and gender. With our agency and the Thailand adoption program we're in, referral groups are supposed to come once every quarter. (Roughly around December, March, June, and September)
The waiting to match with a child can feel like this numb, blurry, untouchable, out of sight thing that doesn’t have a tangible end in sight. The waiting can feel discouraging, heartbreaking, and confusing. And sometimes I find that I’m afraid to invest my emotional energy into something that has the potential to disappoint me again and again - with no news. No movement. Silence.
But we have been here before, walking the long road of international adoption; this time it’s just moving way slower than our previous experience. But my conviction remains the same - I don’t want to waste the wait. I want to be productive and fruitful and grow in enduring prayer during this time. I want to be more prepared to be her mother. To become a better mother to Aaro. A more servant-hearted minister to others. I want to have a healthier lifestyle and deeper relationships; better habits and a more mature walk with Jesus. But I know from experience - a long and enduring wait can pull apart your emotions and tear you down little by little. So I want to be on guard and protect my heart and attitude, recognizing warning signs as they creep in.
Sure, there may be reasons for the long wait — Spiritual warfare. Circumstances unseen. We’re not ready. She’s not ready. Somebody isn’t doing their job. International processes in a foreign country that have slowed down in a post-COVID world. The list can go on and on of potential slow downs.
But if I’m honest —I don’t like to diagnose the waiting. It tends to leave me in a place of pointing fingers, placing blame, or feeling like a victim or even shamed. All of which are not healthy or productive. I don’t get to decide the timeline for this adoption. And speculation tends to leave me feeling weary and bitter. Instead, I can choose to be an active participant in the sanctification of this hard journey, surrendering my ideas of what is best and asking the Lord to give me patience and grace to wait for His timing — and to release my expectations of what that should look like. To give Him my heartbreak and sadness (and sometimes envy) as others seem to add to their families easily and mine seems to be growing at a snail’s pace and with much silence. (Warning sign: victim mindset.)
“Have faith today, my friend. Even if your faith feels tiny and weak, have faith anyway. Believe that God can do, will do, and is doing what is best for you. Focus your faith on His will, not just your desired outcome. And, then let it go. Trust Him with the outcome.
Believing “for” the healing, or the deliverance, or the provision isn’t what faith is. Believing “IN” Your Healer, Deliverer, and Provider is what faith is... Jesus Christ is the Author and Finisher of your faith, so let go of the pen and let Him write your story.”
And some more encouragement I heard from author and speaker, Christine Caine recently met me in the ways I needed it:
“The fight of faith is often the fight to remain hopeful when it would be easier to despair. To stay in peace when surrounded by chaos. To keep believing God when you’re full of doubts. To hang on when everything in you wants to let go. To get up and go again after you’ve failed. To risk again when you’ve encountered disappointment. To love again when you’ve been hurt. To trust again after you’ve been betrayed. To care about others when it would be easier to ignore them. To face reality when it would be more comfortable to deny it. To stay engaged when you’d rather disconnect. To live on purpose instead of wandering aimlessly. To maintain an eternal perspective when it would be easier to enjoy temporal pleasures. To rely on God’s strength and not succumb to our weakness. To contend for the promises of God when tempted to accept the status quo. This life of faith it’s not for the faint of heart.”
So, I wait in hope and pray in faith… not perfectly, but as authentically as I know how, knowing that God is in control and can be trusted with my daughter’s journey to our family and my emotions in how that process is going. And while I still deal with frustrations and heartache along the way, I know that feeling these things is not wrong; it points to my great desire to bring a daughter into my family! But I know that I can take my wounded heart to the Lord and ask Him to be my comfort and strength, believing that He cares and will fight on my behalf. I know He will fight for my child, as well, and will protect her and comfort her as I lift her up and intercede for her in all the ways He leads me to in this process. My prayers are an investment in a very real person that exists in the world right now - one who is living each day with her own unique challenges, joys, growth and development. And thank God that I have my sweet little boy AARO as a daily reminder and proof of what great blessings and gifts are on the other side of a wait this hard!!
- Endurance, patience, and joy in the waiting
- For our child's development, for the caregivers that take care of her needs each day, and for protection in the environment that she is being raised in currently
- That God would prepare our hearts, home, and family for the addition of another child from a different culture, background, and language.
- That He would equip us to love, care for, bond, and attach to this child and her with us.
- Please pray for our agency workers and the Thailand officials that are handling our family's case.
- Please pray for open doors for the gospel in the country of Thailand, where there are still 77 unreached people groups (68% unreached countrywide.
- Pray for God’s glory to be proclaimed throughout the entire adoption process.
- Please pray that God will encourage us and our child through the waiting process. Pray that we will place our hope in Him and be comforted by His love.
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