“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”(Proverbs 13:12)
Valentine’s Day went a little differently this year. It wasn’t filled with a romantic kind of love or special magical feelings in the air. My kind husband vacuumed the house and did the dishes as I laid in bed heartsick with grief.
In this adoption journey, three and half years in - you know how to wait. You know to expect certain time frames for each and every step. You follow along waiting for movement, waiting for the next OK or YES or APPROVED.
This final leg was supposed to be 4-8 weeks.
Oh how I FLEW through those hundreds of pages of documents and sent that paperwork off to US immigration quicker than anything. That was the first week of December 2024 when my life was filled with so many responsibilities and demands that I squeezed in every spare moment I could to get that packet sent off, knowing it was the last step that kept us from our child. Far be it from me that any step of this journey be waiting on our end to do something.
The paperwork arrived at the USCIS office a few days later and they sent notification of receipt on December 11th. The (4-8 week) waiting period began. We were ready to receive word any day in January, believing that February would be our travel season. Plans, commitments, invitations, all on hold and pending for the months of February and March - for until we knew when we would get this approval and our dates, we couldn’t really make any plans or know whether we would be around. I also knew that the start of the Thailand trip meant the beginning of a cocooning season where I would be pulling away for many weeks to help our daughter adjust and create security, attachment, and bonding with our family.
This spring has been that season in my mind since October.
But everything changed on Valentine’s Day.
The day before, we got a message late in the day from our agency. They expressed that this delay in our immigration approval (we were nearly 10 weeks into the wait) would affect the timeline of our family being able to travel by March. It turns out, there was a date that they had hoped and expected that we would be traveling by if all had gone smoothly. On that Thursday 2/13 late afternoon, we found out this:
If you don’t receive the approval by the end of this week, because of the planning and prep work of appointments that the Thailand team has to do on their end, unfortunately your family won’t get to travel in March.
AKA: if the approval didn’t come through by FRIDAY end of day, then we would miss the chance for a March trip.
We prayed and tried to have hope, we enlisted prayer of close friends and family, with little strength in our hearts, balancing the thread of hope that we could still see the approval show online by the end of the night, but anticipating the grief if it didn’t…
The approval didn’t come.
And to add insult to injury, we were told that because of a major Thai holiday in the middle of the month of April, they would likely not permit us to travel in that month either. Oh, the agony.
In a mere 24 hour period of time, we were suddenly faced with an additional two months of separation from our daughter. It was all too much to bear. The grief so heavy. The disappointment so severe. This completely blindsided us and felt like a double whammy.
We continue to wait for this immigration approval to come, and there’s just no indication of when it could happen. Today marks 10 weeks, so we head into week 11 without clarity or explanation of what may be going on. After we get this approval, we will be able to discuss travel dates with our agency… though it’s all looking so much more delayed than we could have ever imagined.
We are hurting. The disappointment is so raw. When you are separated from your child and have absolutely no say in when you can unite with them, it’s a cruel and heartbreaking thing. It threatens to paralyze me each day. But I have to lean into daily grace, and moment by moment receive help from a Living Hope.
The first part of Proverbs 13:12 certainly describes what we are feeling, but we can’t ignore that the last part of the verse goes like this, “ but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Life in the Waiting:
- Steven is working hard each day at our church where there are multiple construction projects going on and he is managing many contractors and workers as they all work together to renovate spaces in our new church building. Lots of exciting changes have been happening and will continue to come. He manages construction alongside ministry responsibilities, and I am so proud of how much he’s taking on. We’re grateful for wonderful staff and ministry leaders to help support and carry the load.
- Aaro continues with school and therapies. He has learned how to read and we’re so proud of him! He may be able to play a spring sport whereas before we had been hesitant to signup for anything without knowing when we would travel. He has expressed interest in soccer, gymnastics, and baseball.
- I took a pause in my photography business in the new year - with expectations of traveling and cocooning coming, I wanted to be prepared and ready for this new season. I have found a lot of joy in focusing on the home front and relationships. I find cooking, baking, and educating myself in nutrition and non-toxic living for our family to be very rewarding. I don’t know when I’ll pick up my camera again, but I have experienced a lot of peace in stepping away from the work in this waiting season.
- We are prioritizing abiding. Spending time in the Word of God, praying, listening, pouring our hearts out, gathering with believers in small groups and large gatherings, and worshipping. We know that the only peace we can find in this troubling time is in our Heavenly Father and His comforting presence.
- We have been aiming to implement healthy rhythms of Rest, Nutrition, Hydration, and Movement. Choosing this lifestyle comes with sacrifices, but the rewards are worth it and have helped us bear the weight of this wait in a more mentally and physically healthy way.
- We are learning Thai words and phrases: Sawadeeka! (hello)
- We pray for our daughter and for her foster family; their world is about to change so much
- We enjoy as much family time as we can and continue making memories together as a family of 3!
- We’re looking for ways to serve and bless others as the Lord prompts. It always helps to get our focus off of our own sadness or struggles when we look up and out and see how we might meet the needs of others or try to be a blessing.
- We grieve as we need to, how we need to, and when we need to. It’s important to allow ourselves the space to experience the heartache and release the pain in healthy ways.
- We continue to learn ways to implement TBRI practices into our parenting and ways to foster connection, trust, and security for bonding and attachment when we bring Olive into our care.
- We have found a love for the show “All Creatures Great and Small” a feel-good, peaceful show that has been a nice little escape when we need it.
- We enjoy the photos and videos of Olive that we have received in recent weeks, watching her eat with chopsticks, throw a ball, run, laugh, smile, dance, and play with friends. We rejoice that she looks healthy and happy!
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